So I haven't officially updated since Haiti. And by the way it was Amazing!! I would love to go back, God willing.

 I've been unusually busy, but I suppose that's good-in a way. I have had such a heavy heart these past 3-4 days and usually with a heavy heart comes with anger with past circumstances and hurts. I am not sure what brings it up. It's not too often that it happens but when it hits, I'm usually a somewhat different person-here comes the pity party! My step-dad left 3 months ago. Said he had to do some thinking and praying and get things right and that he is coming home. THREE months ago. I have moved on past missing him, what is there to miss if he's not even around? He does stop by some and come to a few family things but he is a completely different person. I'm not sure if he is just awkward around my family because everyone is mad at him or if he's just changed. I feel as if he is being totally selfish to think he can go off and try to fix things-by himself. He needs to be here for my mom. And although I'm 25 and living at home he needs to be here for me because when he's gone, he's left the 5 year girl who's parent's divorced 20 years ago.  I feel so stupid sometimes to always go back to past situations that I have no control over but it has so much to do with who I am today. I have had things happen to me that I would in no way tell the entire internet about but it's things like that that have a hold on me daily. I've heard it a 1,000 times- "They're not all like that" ...And I believe it, or at least I want to believe it but so far in the past 25 years of my life I haven't found that to be true in my life. I'm not even making any sense anymore. 

I think part of it is I'm so tired on waiting on a word from God. I am past ready to move out of my parent(s) house and I am just waiting to see what the next step is but apparently I'm not as ready as I think I am. I just keeping ..if only I could move out on my own.. if only i could AFFORD to move out.. if only God would show me where he wants me to go to serve him.."if only, if only"  I'm going out of my mind with those-and it's getting me nowhere! Ok ok.. I'm yet again going nowhere, talking nonsense to people who just pass through here and glance at what I have to say.. 

Maybe tomorrow will be better

Tomorrow WILL be better