I remember this exact time 4 years ago. They were terrible, well what I had in my head was terrible. I was more depressed than I thought I ever would be. Outta my mind depressed. I hated myself. I was antisocial, negative, angry and I was all alone-or so I thought. It's amazing, if you sit down and think, of how far God can bring you. I know that although I didn't want to have anything to have to do with my friends or roommate that God put those people in my life to save me, to keep me going, even when I was at my lowest and didn't want to. Although I hated every minute of it I am so thankful for those in my life at the time. They kept me going-well God did, but I definitely didn't want to acknowledge Him for anything. I was so mad that He allowed me to get where I was. I was on anti-depressants for about 6 months but I was determined not to let that live my life for me. I took myself off of them and I was able to balance daily life without being a completely different person. I know now that those pills were there so I could remember who I was, that I could laugh, hang out with friends-I could be me. I believe that God put those pills in my life to remind me who I was-who He created me to be. I'm not sure how long I was actually depressed. I believe it started in community college, but I think that was just the beginning, not too many signs then but when I moved to Hattiesburg I think it got worse, well apparently it did. I miss living in Hattiesburg so much, but it's bittersweet. I learned so much while living there and yet so many things happened in which I wish I could forget. So many friends, I would never want to forget and whom I can't say thank you enough to. But I am more thankful for God bringing me through it all. Although going through depression has almost been the hardest thing I've ever done, I know it was for a reason. I can now jokingly talk about "when I was crazy" and it is now a part of my testimony-of how far God can bring you. I wouldn't be who I am today without that part of my life and who I am today is who God created me to be and I am not ashamed of being just that. I don't praise God enough, I don't live for Him like I should, I ignore Him, I still get angry at Him and yet his love has never changed. He doesn't love me less when I cursed Him at my lowest and He doesn't love me more because I say the right thing at the right time. He has never left me, He's always been constant, even when I was the opposite. These verses I'm about to type out have been confirmation of all I just said. Nothing I did, said or thought made God leave me or anything. He was and is always there..

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers, nor height or depth, nor anything else in all creation can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39